I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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