and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
