Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize