If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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