Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
