problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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