at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
