sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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