Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
