the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize