Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
