Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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