I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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