what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
