did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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