omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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