the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
