nut hugger
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
