I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
