Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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