I cockslap morals
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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