6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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