Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
