So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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