batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
