I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
