someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
