He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
