i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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