Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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