Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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