maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
