he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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