Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
