white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
