no, he came in my armpit
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i drank out of a bidet.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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