Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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