this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
