he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
