i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
