I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
