I wish I could punch you in the face.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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