it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
