When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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