Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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