she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The beer is more important than you right now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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