Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
