this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
