You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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