If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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