Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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