I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
