It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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