yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
