i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
