There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
