would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
