ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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