Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think Iβm in love.
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