Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
