I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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