did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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