Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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